This opinion piece from "Column 8" on April 28, 2026, details humorous instances of new employees or students being sent on futile "quests" for nonexistent items by their supervisors. Pauline McGinley recalls teachers in 1970s Scotland dispatching "hair shirt" students to find "elusive tartan paint," providing a much-needed break. Similarly, William Galton from Hurstville Grove remembers apprentices being asked for "striped paint," "skyhooks," "packets of full stops," and even "randy tarts" from the cake shop, all as pranks to waste their time. These anecdotes highlight a long-standing tradition of hazing newcomers.